Friday, January 13, 2006

As most of you may know...I am an avid viewer of most reality shows...Project Runway is my favorite by far though. Last weeks episode was very hard for soon as I saw Diana pair up with Marla...I knew things would go downhill. Oh well, life must move on.

I do have some interesting news. I have been invited to a "slumber party" tonight. I have never been to one of these things before...but I have heard rumors of what goes on. Apparently there will be frozen pizza, "Cosmo Quizzes", Catch Phrase, boy talk, and a scary movie. I'm also assuming there will be a pillow fight, followed by a tickle orgy, then a relaxing group shower (that is what normally happens at an all female slumber party I am told) I am going to bring a mix CD to the party, can anyone say "Flock of Seagulls techno-trance remix?"

I am completely baffled about this whole "Gaia is Apoclypse's sister" thing. I recommend going to "Maury" to figure this out. He is excellent about doing DNA tests. I am certain he will even pay you a little bit of money to appear on his show. I can only imagine the reaction Gaia and apocalypse would have...I think it could beat the ratings that "Who wants to marry a Millionaire" received...

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

First things first, I have hired a new assistant. Actually, I decided to go through a temp agency since everyone is quasi-busy with this whole "Apocalypse is trying to conquer the world thing" again. If you ask me, you need to start small because you can't expect your first try to work out. It takes centuries of practice and patience. Take me for example....First I start by brainwashing thousands of people and become their goddess. Second, you join an evil organization bent on global domination. Third, you TAKE over that organization after amassing an army of millions from your own country that you have ruled over for thousands of years. It's all very simple really.

OK, back to my assistant drama. I got a phone call yesterday morning from the temp agency, it went something like this...

"Hello, this is Shantel calling from 'Evil sidekicks Inc,' may I speak to a Ms. Selena"

Me- "That's 'Selene' you rodent! Have you never heard of the all powerful Moon goddess worshiped in ancient Greece and Rome!"

"Gurrrl please....You be aint no BC times anymore. Don't no one worship yer ass nomore"

Me- "I am well aware of the current year! However, time is of no importance to an immortal! To me, that was nothing more than a Wednesday! Now speak before I decide to take my business elsewhere!"

"Well, based on the compatibility chart you filled out, we have decided that a Madelyne Pryor would suit your needs best"

Me- "WHAT! I have already hired her once before. That little DNA clone reject backstabbed me last time...why would I hire her again! Also, I thought she was dead."

"Oh, this isn't the same Madelyne Pryor. The woman you are referring to was actually from an alternate reality, but even then she was only a cyborg-clone made by a race of squid-people. As you can see...she is COMPLETELY different. If you like, we can have her sent to you in 2 business days"

Me- "Hmmm, that makes sense, send her over."

So yes...I have a new assistant in my life. It appears I will be able to relax more now. Perhaps I should lend my Goddess presence to help defeat Apocalypse. But I do agree with Xavier, I would rather let the drama unfold and see where this all goes. Since 'Project Runway' isn't on until tomorrow night...I need to get my daily dose of drama somewhere...

Saturday, January 07, 2006

Ok, it's become apparent that I can not leave Nova Roma unattened...I come home for being gone for about a week....and the place is TRASHED!! Just this morning I found a hair that wasn't mine on the sidewalk leading to the Starbucks that just opened last week! I swear...these people can't even comprehend that magintude of their GODDESS walking around on there very own streets! It has become obvious that I am I need of an asisstant (I got the idea from watching a re-run on MTV, the show was "The Asisstant" starring Andy Dick)

I am currently holding an open audition soon. This is a once-in-a-lifetime chance for someone. I am intersted to see who shall attend...(fat dudes need not apply)

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

As I sit here in my tent by myself in the Himalayan mountain range, I am overjoyed that my laptop has wireless internet access. I am certain I am stealing this connection from one of the crew members filming us. Since we have been on this race, I have missed a few of my favorite shows (I admit it! I am addicted to "The Gauntlet 2" on mtv...) I need to check a few websites to keep up to date. In reality though....I am talking about mtv...They do have the habit of showing CONSTANT re-runs over the weekend....

Normally I would have some company in my tent, but I am lead to believe my teammate has quit the race. Hopefully this wont affect my standing in the race. Although...Jean has already promised me her first born daughter...such a sweet gesture...

I have also been checking up on Nova Roma's current state while I have been away. I left my people with one single task while I was absent...that my gold plated jacuzzi be installed by the time I return. I have come to find out that the ship date was postponed two business days...HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BATHE WITHOUT A GOLD PLATED JACUZZI!!!! It looks I will have to put in some overtime when I return home...someone is going to have to be sacrificed to appease me...

Saturday, December 31, 2005

Well, well, well....

For starters, the Amazing Mutant Race 2 is going very well....the Fates have smiled upon MY victory. Even though I have been partnered with Emma Frost, former White Queen (honestly, who didn't see this match-up coming?) I find I am enjoying myself quite well. I have been waiting to try out a new spell that I learned from the canceled TV show "Charmed" I don't want to let the cat out of the bag....but can anyone say "amazon fighting crabs"

So the New Years party was a complete success! Thanks to Paris and all the swallow, self-absorbed friends, I now have the perfect, mindless drones to re-populate Nova Roma once again! Since Paris and her friends were very weak minded people to begin with, I barely had to use my hypnotic powers to have them succumb to my will anyway. All I had to do was lure them away from the rest of the party guests (I told them I was screening a never released episode of Laguna Beach in the Pool house) After that....the rest is history! Mwhahahahaha!!!!

So now that Nova Roma is teaming with life again...I can finally get back to work sacrificing virgins to the volcano and robbing the people of their life essence to ensure my un-dying beauty for all eternity!!

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

New Years Eve plans?

So my sidekick mobile phone started blowin up this morning, it was my closest gal pal, Paris Hilton. I haven’t heard from her since we did our photo shoot for the cover of Rolling Stones magazine (the issue is due out next month) Anyway, the conversation went like this….

Paris- Oh my god…..did you see Project Runway last week?
Me- Shut up! You know it chica….what was up with Danny Franco?
Paris- Oh, I know!!!! I’m glad he left…he had that glazed over look to him…
Me- Not to mention his collection looked like something your grandmother would wear…and don’t even get me started on Santino…
Paris- Shoooot girl….I know, you are preaching to the choir here…Well anyway, what are you doing for New Years Eve….because I have an idea that’s so blazin….

So that leads me to this announcement….Nova Roma will be the site of the most spectacular party! Co-hosted by Selene and Paris Hilton. Of course this party is invitation only! Only the richest, most famous and beautiful will be in attendance. Martha Stewart has even agreed to cater (she owes me for a favor I granted her back in the 80’s) I will also be serving a very exotic cocktail to toast in the New Year….can anyone say “green, glowing, and foaming surprise!”

This should be just the thing to get me out of my recent party slump I’ve been having lately.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Greeting From Nova Roma

Well, now that the holidays are over, I am finding myself with some free time. The Hellfire Club held a very exclusive and luxurious Christmas party...Everything was going swimmingly well until Ms. Grey decided to show up and start claiming herself as the Black Queen. I only have one thing to say to you hunny...You look more like the Hellfire's Drag Queen in those boots and hair. Anyway, one thing lead to another and now the Club is left in shambles whilst I get some R&R in Nova Roma. Don't fret though Jean...My revenge will be harsh and agonizing!!! Do you really think Katie Holmes is WILLINGLY marrying Tom Cruise?? Katie only sacrificed ONE goat at my alter in LA a few months ago....I think with a little mind control...I have found a very suitable punishment for her blasphemy! MWAHAHA! Also, I worked really hard on my macaroni painting for the White Elephant gift exchange.....

So yes, back to Nova Roma. It's like sooo dead here. I forgot that after a run in with those New Mutants that everyone was freed of my spell. I need to use my down-time to come up with another brilliant plan to re-populate my country...